Abandonment Issues.

I can hardly breathe.

My lungs feel like they’re collapsing in on themselves

I hate the feeling.

 

I can hardly think

My thoughts focusing and refocusing on your absence

Like the focus of a camera

I miss your presence.

 

I can hardly see

Through the tears that well up in my eyes

Uncontrollable pain

As my heart is ripped apart from itself.

I can’t do this.

 

Again.

But you’re leaving.

All of you.

You’re all leaving

Me.

 

Please

Don’t go, I don’t know

When I’ll see you again

If I’ll see you again

Looking the way you do

Full of life and a fire behind those eyes.

 

Don’t leave me

I can’t do this again.

 

And you’re gone.

And I’m here.

 

Crying over the people I love

Hating them for making me so

Alone.

 

 

-Hope xoxo

 

P.S. This is a very personal topic for me and it’s a very rough piece, but I’d appreciate some gentle critiques if any of you are willing to leave them. Thank you for reading this and I hope you aren’t judging me too harshly. It’s just been rough since Bobby left.

Egged

This is a spoken word poem I wrote for my ENGL280 class, be nice and I hope you all enjoy the shit out of it

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The 2014 San Diego State Take Back the Night walk hoped to draw attention to sexual violence and rape culture inside of fraternity activities. Peaceful protestors who walked down “frat” row, received obscenities yelled at them, dildos waved from windows, and eggs thrown from passing cars –

In that moment, I felt hated

sickening ooze cracked through thin membrane

dribbled down my face.

Hey bitch, you know you wanted it

Idiots hollered from their houses

we walked slowly –

let the yellow rape culture

clear embryo trickle down our cheeks.

Our moment of solidarity

One Week In Paradise

This is a spoken word poem that I wrote today. Please don’t steal it or I will be upset because this is my life and my work and I will cut a bitch. Thanks. Here’s the poem:

That one week in paradise

I saw the sun shine for the first time

In months, with you.

We met in a flash of spontaneity

And I couldn’t resist

So that night I just kissed you.

My mind confused and in awe

You tasted like the vodka we’d been drinking all night

Your hands held my face and you were all I was thinking about in that one moment.

And that first night, we just kissed

That’s all I wanted. All I needed

To make me fall for you.

The days that followed were

Bright and laughter filled

We spent our one week in paradise together

Inseparable, infatuated, in love.

Your sweet laugh warmed my soul

My adventurous side showed us the world

We hardly knew each other,

But I felt like I’d known you my whole life.

When the week finally ended and our time in paradise was up

You kissed me just like that first time.

Drunken with love and happy and wanting to just keep kissing me forever.

Tears fell down my face and you laughed and kissed them away.

You held me tight in your arms one last time and

Then you let me go

Onto my next adventure and I let you go to yours.

Always remembering us and our little haven of joy

Remembering your beautiful blue eyes and how they looked at me

Remembering how you told me to smile and

Remembering how I couldn’t stop smiling when I was with you

Remembering how we learned to live in the moment together

Remembering how we were free to be who we wanted to be with each other so we were the who we always wanted to be

Remembering how different we once were but how much of the same person we are

Remembering how you told me about your pain and

Remembering how you helped me deal with mine

Remembering how you told me that it was okay to love again

Even if it was just for a week

A week in paradise.

That was the poem. I hope you liked it. Please leave any comments or suggestions or whatever in the comments and I love you very much.

-Hope xoxo