My bad

Sorry, I didn’t post last night. i had a very busy day and was super tired when I came home.

Last night was my last time hanging out with the youth group (the time before was the last youth group) at the beach with everyone and it was just a very lovely time getting to be back with the Lord and all of my friends in one of the most beautiful places I know of- La Jolla Shores. And immediately following (mind you it’s nine o’clock at night after a full day of being up and running around campus) I went over to my best friend’s house (the one that took me to prom if you’ve been following me for that long) and talked to him for a half hour or so. This was especially draining not because he takes all of my energy, but because I’ve been getting very emotional around him lately. You see, he leaves for bootcamp in eleven days. And although he’s only being stationed in Camp Penalton, I will have such little communication to him and he’ll be growing up and maturing into what he’s always wanted to be- a Marine. I’m so ridiculously proud of him, but he’s been my closest friend since before I can even remember. Our friendaversary is even coming up on the twelfth on September; it’s been fourteen years of amazing, childish friendship and I know he’s going to be my friend for life, but I’m just scared. Hopefully, just a reasonable amount of scared. No One, have you ever experienced something like this? I need help, man, I don’t know who to talk about all of this. I’ve mentioned it to him

before, but he doesn’t really like to talk about it, to be frank. I think it makes him more sad than what he’s willing to admit to anyone let alone me.

I don’t know, I shouldn’t complain. I just need to pray he comes back to me.      

I’m Sleep Deprived

Nothing new or exciting to really reflect or elaborate on today so just enjoy this song. I promise I’ll have something of value tomorrow! Good night, No One! 

-Hope xoxo 

How do I keep getting more followers? All I do is rant.

So a far less exciting day occured today. Second day of school at university and I mean it definitely wasn’t awful, it was just odd. Odd because I felt getting comfortable at SDSU. Sure everything is still new and most everyone is still unfamiliar, but the few people that I recognize are very comforting presences and I’m slowly starting to understand where my classes are, how professors at a university work, who my fellow freshmen are, etc etc. It’s all very exciting, but in a slow building kind of excitement.

You know how your arms hurt after you hold them out for a long period, but it doesn’t hurt when you first start out. Now just change the pain you feel to my excitement and place that feeling in the middle of your chest and that’s where I can feel mine. I am continually finding myself being pleasantly surprised by how excited I am to start this journey into my chosen field of reading, writing, and awesomeness.

Alright, I’m actually very tired, so I’ll write more in the morning. Goodnight, No One, sleep well.

 

-Hope xoxo

 

Post First Day of School Peace

Okay so maybe last night I was freaking out about nothing. 

Today was surprisingly awesome. Lemme just give you a quick run down in chronological order 

1. I woke up on time 
2. I looked fine 
3. I got my cappuccino pick me up 
4. Got to campus in record time
5. Found an excellent parking spot in an excellent parking lot 
6. Found my first class with an hour to spare 
7. Enjoyed the morning sun and played on tumblr while I waited 
8. Went to my first class
9. Teacher asked me a question that I knew the answer to and I DIDN’T STUTTER 
10. Figured out first class would be an easy pass 
11. Had lunch with my bff, C, from high school
12. Lunch was delicious and healthy 
13. Found my second class and got a good spot against the wall so I could charge my laptop 
14. Discovered I would like my second teacher when he started cursing at his slow computer 
15. Figured out this second class would be a tad harder than what I was used to 
16. Made a friend while getting a FREE OTTERPOP and he invited me to a frat party (XD) and got my phone number (high five) 
17. Met a friend from high school and had a delightful chat 
18. Got a little lost trying to get home while avoiding traffic 
19. And now I’m chilling at my favorite coffee shop, drinking my favorite drink, and writing my blog as a college freshman. 

Fuck yeah, my day was good. 

And it wasn’t even the fact that everything went right. It’s that everything just keeps going right and that everyone was so nice and while I definitely felt like no one gave a shit about me at school, I’ve come to peace with that. 

They have their own things they have to worry about. I have my own things that I need to worry about. AND THAT’S OKAY. In the words of the great Tyler Oakley, “You do you and Imma do me.” 

It’s not out of hatred or spite that these people don’t care about me. It’s that I’m not even on their radar. Whenever I am on someone’s radar then they do care and are very nice people. 

Wow, look at me. Making general assumptions about the population of an entire campus of people because I’ve had a few nice encounters on the first day when everyone is being nice. Oh well, let me live in my alternate reality. 

-Hope xoxo 

Tomorrow

Tomorrow. Welp. This is it. Tomorrow is the big day. It’s the first day of school. 

I estimate that that last sentence is probably the most used phrase this time of year. 

“Oh it’s the first day of school, kids!”

“Welcome to the first day of school!

“I don’t want to get up, it’s the first day of school!” 

That last complaining one is probably going to be me in the morning. I mean, yes, I am terribly excited for classes to start and to have a structured schedule again. But honestly, I have two major problems with going back to school: 

1. Summer is over 
2. I’ve never done this before

The first one is understandable, but, well, what do you mean by that last one, Hope? Well, No One, I’ve never gone to a big school. The largest school I went to was for two years in the academic advanced program where people were forced to be friends with me, cuz let’s face it, I was the smartest one in the room. That school was about a thousand students I’d say and it was K-8 public school. There were tons of idiots, some average fellows, some advanced ones like myself and company, and that was it! Now I am heading into San Diego State University. Literally famous for nationally renowned sports teams. There are five thousand incoming freshmen, including myself. The  “Aztec Community” which consists of students, alumni, staff, and faculty, is at around 380,000 people. 

How am I ever going to standout here? 

Not that I want to on a grand scale, but rather how am I going to make my teachers remember me? How am I going to make friends? How am I going to push through my impacted major and rise to the top? How? How? How?! 

I don’t fucking know the answers to any of these questions. Which frustrates me to no end. But I guess I’ll only know by trying to figure it out myself. Starting tomorrow.

 

-Hope xoxo 

First Day As An Aztec

So this evening I attended my first event as an official, registered college freshman. It was just this silly event called Templo Del Sol where basically you walk through the arches of Hepner Hall and everyone welcomes you into SDSU. Basically it’s a ridiculous, glorified pep rally and I honestly loved every second of it. Everyone was so nice and welcoming (obviously) and i met so many nice, complete strangers during the dance party/ ice breaker time after everyone had gone through the arches. 

But the funniest part of the evening was a realization that my friend, C, and I came to. San Diego State is a pretty college full of pretty people. Like I, honest to God, did not meet or see one person who was even near a six. Everyone was so cute and nice and bewildered and happy and in the exact same boat as I was. 

I was so scared to go tonight, to be frank. As a commuter, you don’t hear much about commuter spirit and i personally have gotten quite jealous of the kids who get to live on campus. But tonight I met quite a few commuters who felt the exact same way, but were excited to meet someone who was (again) in the exact same boat as them. 

I guess I just felt connected to everyone. I felt like no one had anything against me. I didn’t have anything against anyone. The pressure to fit in was nonexistent because I already did. I feel at home at SDSU. I guess that’s kind of the point of these “Welcome Week” activities, but I didn’t feel like my happiness and everyone else’s happiness was fake or synthesized by some algorithm formulated deep in a lab. I felt like we were there to have a good time and to be Aztecs for the first time together. 

And that makes me ridiculously happy and so excited to start my new life. Because it is! It’s a new life and new path I’m taking, far different from the one I’ve been traveling, but it’s a far more exciting one.

 

-Hope xoxo

This was Hepner Hall tonight. There was around 6,000-7,000 people there. 

Saying Goodbye, Again

No I didn’t have to say goodbye to high school or anything again. Tonight I said goodbye to my youth group that I have been going to since sophomore year. This youth group that I’ve gone to has forever changed my relationship with God and my relationship with the people in the youth group. I’m no longer that selfish, high and mighty sophomore with a limited view of the world. Religiously, I’ve changed and grown so much and spiritually I’ve grown even more. 

The leaders at this group, J and K, have taught me what it means to be devout and loving.The boys of this group (far too many to list) have taught me that letting loose is okay and that brotherly relationships are far better relationships than pretty much anything else. My girlfriends at this group, E, C, M, A, and A? Oh Lord, don’t even get me started or I might cry. These girls have taught me that it is possible to be a loving servant and how to have fun. And I’m talking good and proper ridiculous fun. All while teaching me how to be a lady and work like the boss ass bitch that we all are.

Now saying goodbye this time, wasn’t painful at all. I didn’t even cry to be honest. Because with this group of people, I don’t feel like I’m going to loose them. When you have such a significant part of your life tethered by a solid and consistent group of people who encourage you to grow and blossom and you feel that you do the same with them, that kind of bond doesn’t go away when you go to college. That shit you take to the grave.

-Hope xoxo  

Whoops.

Well, I sorta failed at posting more. I can’t believe it’s been almost two months since I last blogged. And that blog was about how I was going to blog more! I’m the world’s biggest fail. Oh well. Only a few things have happened since then though. Here I’ll make a simple bulleted list to prove to you how simple my life has been:

• said goodbye to one of my best friends since junior high 
• cut off 14 inches of hair 
• started another novel
• traveled to two continents that I’ve never been to
• visited ten cities that I had never previously been to
• fell head over heels for a Canadian boy who I’ll likely never see again
• made friends with a whole bunch of foreign teens who I love but again will probably never see again 
• went to New Student Orientation for university 
• became friends with a lovely young man who is just amazing and agh 
• got pneumonia 
• said goodbye to more friends 
• started up my YouTube channel again but with better editing and more confidence in what I want from it 
• dealt with family 
• got a laptop 

So yes. I’ve been a but busy. 

But the beginning of university activities start tomorrow and I am determined to write them down and keep track of what the fuck is going on in my life.

So yes, thanks for sticking around if you did and I promise I will be posting more, my No One. Until my next post, enjoy this song that I can’t get out of my head. And my favorite selfie from my trip to Europe (taken in Santorini, Greece).