Blog Archives

When I dropped him, I shattered. Translation – no man has pleased me since, but I’d like to watch you try.”

-Haley Mosley

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We have made ourselves into bloody altars. The only thing we are good at is making martyrs.”

-Jesse Parent

Abandonment Issues.

I can hardly breathe.

My lungs feel like they’re collapsing in on themselves

I hate the feeling.

 

I can hardly think

My thoughts focusing and refocusing on your absence

Like the focus of a camera

I miss your presence.

 

I can hardly see

Through the tears that well up in my eyes

Uncontrollable pain

As my heart is ripped apart from itself.

I can’t do this.

 

Again.

But you’re leaving.

All of you.

You’re all leaving

Me.

 

Please

Don’t go, I don’t know

When I’ll see you again

If I’ll see you again

Looking the way you do

Full of life and a fire behind those eyes.

 

Don’t leave me

I can’t do this again.

 

And you’re gone.

And I’m here.

 

Crying over the people I love

Hating them for making me so

Alone.

 

 

-Hope xoxo

 

P.S. This is a very personal topic for me and it’s a very rough piece, but I’d appreciate some gentle critiques if any of you are willing to leave them. Thank you for reading this and I hope you aren’t judging me too harshly. It’s just been rough since Bobby left.

One Week In Paradise

This is a spoken word poem that I wrote today. Please don’t steal it or I will be upset because this is my life and my work and I will cut a bitch. Thanks. Here’s the poem:

That one week in paradise

I saw the sun shine for the first time

In months, with you.

We met in a flash of spontaneity

And I couldn’t resist

So that night I just kissed you.

My mind confused and in awe

You tasted like the vodka we’d been drinking all night

Your hands held my face and you were all I was thinking about in that one moment.

And that first night, we just kissed

That’s all I wanted. All I needed

To make me fall for you.

The days that followed were

Bright and laughter filled

We spent our one week in paradise together

Inseparable, infatuated, in love.

Your sweet laugh warmed my soul

My adventurous side showed us the world

We hardly knew each other,

But I felt like I’d known you my whole life.

When the week finally ended and our time in paradise was up

You kissed me just like that first time.

Drunken with love and happy and wanting to just keep kissing me forever.

Tears fell down my face and you laughed and kissed them away.

You held me tight in your arms one last time and

Then you let me go

Onto my next adventure and I let you go to yours.

Always remembering us and our little haven of joy

Remembering your beautiful blue eyes and how they looked at me

Remembering how you told me to smile and

Remembering how I couldn’t stop smiling when I was with you

Remembering how we learned to live in the moment together

Remembering how we were free to be who we wanted to be with each other so we were the who we always wanted to be

Remembering how different we once were but how much of the same person we are

Remembering how you told me about your pain and

Remembering how you helped me deal with mine

Remembering how you told me that it was okay to love again

Even if it was just for a week

A week in paradise.

That was the poem. I hope you liked it. Please leave any comments or suggestions or whatever in the comments and I love you very much.

-Hope xoxo

Always Trying New Things

Yesterday was a day of firsts for me.
I performed my first slam poem in front of a group of about thirty people so yay.
I sang a song just for fun at my school’s talent show for the first time.
I went to the drive ins and saw X Men Days of Futures Past for the first time.
Let’s address each matter chronologically, shall we?
That rap that I posted on Thursday was reviewed by my English teacher and a good friend and they determined that if I read it like a slam poem it would be more rhetorically effective. So at the final project meeting, parents and other students came and I performed my poem to a thunderous applause. That made my heart sing.
My school’s talent show was last night and I just wanted to do something I’ve never done. And seeing as it was my last talent show. Mother fucking yolo. So I sang Take Me or Leave Me from Rent. I did adequately but I’m proud I did it.
X MEN. X MEN. I don’t know if I’m mad, stunned, or pleased. If you’ve seen it and you read this, please give me your opinion so I can further develop my own.