I suck at biology. I can openly admit this. But goddamn, I didn’t realize how bad I am until today when yes, you guessed it, I failed a biology test. Granted, I failed by only 3 points, but a failure is a failure nonetheless.
Honestly though, I don’t really care that much though. I obviously don’t want to fail the awful class (BIO100) but I’m not expecting myself to get an A in it. I’m an English major for a reason. I don’t like life sciences. If I’d have to choose a science, it’d be a part of the physical sciences category. I would rather do anything but a life science.
Yet I still feel bad and kinda shitty about it.
Maybe because my whole day was just kind of “okay” and that was kind of the tip of the iceberg, pushing me more to think of today as a bad day. Which it really wasn’t. Just a boring day combined with an unfortunate outcome to my Biology test.
All in all, yes, today was a boring day. I really didn’t do much besides the usual work and school both of which have left me just as tired as they always do.
I just want the weekend to be here for a multitude of reasons.
1. I won’t have to think about homework.
2. I’ll very likely be able to talk to Bobby if he gets some free time.
3. Maybe I’ll go out with Alisha.
4. I’ll get to sleep in.
5. I won’t have to be on my feet for hours on end like I usually have to be at work.
Oh well, they don’t call Wednesdays “Hump Day” for no reason!
I hope you’ve had a good day, No One. I love you very much. If you feel so inclined tell me what you’re looking forward to this weekend. I really want to talk to you more since I feel like this is such a one-sided relationship of me ranting and you reading it.
Today I got to visit my best friends, C and A, up at their university (Cal Baptist University) about an hour and a half away and it was awesome to see them. I think I might have mentioned it before, but I decided this past Sunday that I needed to visit them and be with my two of my closest friends so I invited myself up and I’m really glad I did. I got there at around 1:30 and was greeted by A, A’s girlfriend, and their cute friend, S, who is just a sweetheart and so freaking fineee. We walked around, taking the scenic route, and made it back to their dorms where we met up with C and two of their other friends, G and J. From there they just all showed me around their tiny little school (the full tour lasted about twenty minutes to go around the whole campus) and then we parted ways with S (he had other commitments) and visited the downtown area of the little suburban jungle surrounding the campus which proved absolutely delightful.
It felt amazing to be back with them and to be able to laugh and be dorky and talk and walk around and just be friends. I really do need that kind of physical contact nowadays and I am so happy that I’ve been able to give myself that with my friends who love me and understand that sometimes I need their help in order to feel better and to feel completely calm. And I did today, which I am so happy to report to you, No One.
But now I must go to bed, for I am waking up at seven A.M. tomorrow to go visit Bobby with his step mom and father. I can hardly wait 🙂
So the past twenty four hours have been very exciting and eventful. Many of you know that I am in a band and I had my usual Tuesday night rehearsal where I learned two new songs (it was rough, but we’re working on it) and just generally enjoyed my friends’ presences. That was all great and dandy, especially after a long day at work. But literally as I pulled into the garage after rehearsal Bobby called me and we got to talk for about fifteen minutes which was awesome. But the best part was by far near the end of the conversation he told me he might have a day or two off this weekend and that if I wanted to I could come up with his dad and stepmom and see him.
I didn’t even know that this would be possible let alone so close in my future so you can imagine how STOKED I WAS.
It took everything in me to not start crying when he told me and I’m still in complete disbelief that I might get to see him.
After that eventfulness, I busied myself with getting ready for bed and today and went to sleep. Then this morning I woke up at six in the morning to get ready for school. I got to my first class at 7:30, a full half hour before it even started, and got to my second class in plenty of time. Woo!
My first class (on Wednesdays) is my communications class which I’m not very excited about, but it is a requirement for all SDSU students to take so I guess I just have to get over it, even though I desperately don’t want to. My second class is Religious Studies 100: Exploring the Bible and I’m actually excited about this class after going to class today. My professor seems really nice and excited about the class so his enthusiasm is helping mine.
Other than all of that, I work from this afternoon and have some homework that I should do afterwards. But maybe this week won’t be too awful.
Yep, it’s that time of the college school year when I have to go drop a couple hundred dollars on books that I won’t need to read.
It’s one of my least favorite things I have to do and I don’t even pay for my textbooks! My parents gladly pay for my college education and that includes the materials required, but goddamit do I feel bad on days like today when I take my dad to school with me and he looses over two hundred dollars in the process. It’s hardly fair and quite honestly it’s ridiculous the amount of money that he has to pay for some paper and binding. But it’s college and this is what he wants me to be doing and it’s what I want to be doing, so we don’t really have a choice do we?
On a completely different note, lately my self confidence in my appearance has grown tremendously. Perhaps it’s because of all of those late night sessions helping my sister through her problems that have helped to decrease the effect my problems have on myself (at least the little ones like how I look).
What I’m trying to say is these past three days, I have looked fucking great. It’s not even that I think I look hot, I just feel like a queen and boy am I ready to slay some bitches.
Okay, I’m starting to hear you, No One. Y’all clearly enjoy my poetry, which -hey- is flattering to say the least.
I’ll be posting more of that on here then which is both exciting and nerve racking. Gotta focus on writing some good poetic shit which is probably good practice as a writer, poet, and novelist.
I think I’ll post another tonight, but until then I’m gonna talk at you (mostly for myself) for a hot minute.
Now I know I have yet to fully experience college like seniors at SDSU, but I feel like my whole opinion on the institution has greatly changed.
College (from what I understand) forces you to sometimes, if not often, be alone. Alone with your thoughts and with your textbooks. Secluded from friendships, sometimes with hundreds of miles between you and your best friend.
I don’t mind the quiet of loneliness too much. I thought I would have, but the silence and distance isn’t comforting, but rather reinforcing. Reinforcing that which I had only thought was true as knowing as fact. I thought my best friend, C, and I were good friends, but I didn’t realize how deep and truly magnificent our friendship was and is until some distance, separation, and silence was put in between us.
Furthermore, I thought it would be easier to make friends in college, and sure the first week it definitely was easy, but after that initial week when all of us freshmen were desperate for companionship and everyone had made their best friends, it became difficult. You have to put in time and effort into the people that you should CAREFULLY select as your friends. I didn’t make many friends this semester which again, I’m fine with. But for those few extroverts who read my blog, please understand the time and effort required, Don’t feel like no one wants to be your friend. It’s not you, everyone just has their own shit going on.
Also, homework. I know I’ve yet to experience the real wrath/ magnanimity of homework that perhaps juniors and seniors experience in college, but it is a lot more than I had originally guesstimated.
Additionally, professors couldn’t care less about you, except for a few. I know the professor of ENGL280 class was a significantly kinder and nicer fella than say my HIST101 professor who was terrifyingly apathetic to say the least. There’s a spectrum of professors and you just have to be ready to see every single one of them.
I don’t really know what else to say so here take a picture of my cappuccino.
This is a spoken word poem I wrote for my ENGL280 class, be nice and I hope you all enjoy the shit out of it
The 2014 San Diego State Take Back the Night walk hoped to draw attention to sexual violence and rape culture inside of fraternity activities. Peaceful protestors who walked down “frat” row, received obscenities yelled at them, dildos waved from windows, and eggs thrown from passing cars –
In that moment, I felt hated
sickening ooze cracked through thin membrane
dribbled down my face.
Hey bitch, you know you wanted it
Idiots hollered from their houses
we walked slowly –
let the yellow rape culture
clear embryo trickle down our cheeks.
Our moment of solidarity
I’ve made an actual update to my page so if you’re ever scrolling through your WordPress feed, click on either a post I’ve made or a category on my page and you’ll get to see a cool little bio that I’ve made. So you’ll see my face and whatever cheesey thing I decided to write about myself and all of the links to my various social media platforms (except my YouTube channel which is frustrating but whater).
So check that out when you get the chance and yeah. Okay back to doing homework.
Okay, so let’s face it. It’s hard to commit.
To a project. To a friendship. To a relationship. To a book. To YouTube. To daily blogging. To school. To college. To God. To clubs. To whatever!
And I’m just speaking from personal experience! I can’t imagine some of the shit you must have been through, No One.
But I’ve been dedicated to being dedicated for a long time now to many different things, and I’m really proud of how I’ve been able to keep at things.
My tips for staying dedicated are pretty simple and clear, but it never hurts to hear them anyway:
- Remind yourself why you’re doing it. Reasons like “Everyone else is doing it” and “I feel like I should” are definitely iffy reasons and should be reconsidered to find better reasons. On the other hand, reasons like, “I want to get better at this” or “It will help me grow in this area of life” are better reasons to have!
- Celebrate the little victories. If you’re struggling with being dedicated to college, celebrate and congratulate yourself when you finishing reading a chapter for a class. If you’re struggling to be dedicated to God, pat yourself on the back when you take a minute out of your day to pray.
- Live in the moment. When it comes to dedication in relationships and friendships or writing books or doing homework, don’t think about the past or the future (even for a just a little bit) and enjoy the moment with that person or that thing and let yourself forget about everything else. Let it wash over you and revel in it. Then when the moment is passed and you’re back to feeling like you want to give up, go back to that happy moment. (This excludes abusive relationships obviously)
- Be proud of yourself. Even if you’ve just finished writing a thousand words or you went to that club meeting that you didn’t really want to go to but you did, then be happy about it! Tell people that you went out and did a thing and trust me, people will be proud and happy for you. When you tell people about the going ons in your life, not only will they get invested in the thing, but you will be too!
- Spend time with the thing. The more time that you spend doing something or being with someone, the more emotionally invested you’ll be in it. This investment can and will transfer over into hardwork and dedication because you want the thing to work out because of all of that emotional investment. Spending time can be as little as five minutes of writing when you have some free time or ten minute phone conversation to check up with someone.
See these things. These are good things. I think the biggest thing to being dedicated is the amount of time you allocate toward it. The more time, then the more dedicated you’ll be and hopefully the happier you’ll be. We all suck sometimes and that might deter us from committment to things that might be really great for us. But today, I’m telling you. GO DO THE THING.