Open your laptop
The black keys are familiar.
Get on the Internet
Now it’s time to write
Now it’s time for your fingers to fly
Dashing away, trying to get every breath down
Writing, expressing, living through your words
I don’t write because someone has told me to
Because someone challenged me to
Because it simply makes me look a certain way
In order to comprehend the complexities of my own mind.
My mind is a three dimensional space of chaos
Putting pen to paper,
Fingers to keys,
My mind to others,
Forces me to lay everything out linearly,
It’s a type of therapy
Or a type of drug,
I can’t decide.
All I know is
I write to comprehend me
And I wouldn’t be able to without it
So I’m not going to stop anytime soon
Thank y’all so so much for reading this little poem. This one is for inspired4business, or Steve, who gave me the idea to write about what inspires me to write. I sorta changed it to why I write, but hey sometimes that happens. I love you all so so much, and I’m sorry for the later post. Have a beautiful day, I’ll talk to you tonight.
This is a poem written by me. Don’t steal it or I will be very pissed off. Thank you and I hope you enjoy the nostaglia I was feeling this morning.
Wafting through the air
I am assaulted by the smell of delicious cravings
Chocolate chip cookies baked by Bobby
Lemon bars laboriously brewed by my sister
Fresh peppermint bark that tantalizes my senses
And fills me with hunger and sugary delight
Then laying stagnant in the air
Our tree reminds me of a far off pine forest
That was once its home
Creating a nostalgia for a place I’ve never known
Christmases past were the scent of pine filled those energy wrought mornings
That I remember so fondly from my childhood
Then drifting hazily over it all
A hint of firewood burning accents the atmosphere
Brings warmth to my heart as I sit by the fireplace in thought
Pulls me back to cold winter nights when we all sat by the fire
Drinking hot chocolate and watching Christmas movies
Reminds me of times long past
When everything was much simpler
When everything smelled so beautiful.
I received this notification this morning which got me thinking.
So much has changed. In a month, in several, in a year, in two years.
I’m such a different person now in days.
Two years ago, I had just joined Tangent at the will of my friend, (and at that time, love interest (though it was never returned for the better)), D. He had convinced me that I would do well in this club and honestly the first time I went, I fell in love. I’ve told the story hundreds of times now, but it’s my love story with writing and creativity.
Tangent was and is a place where the odd, miscellaneous characters of my high school went to be welcomed, loved, and encouraged. We had and have a blog on here, WordPress, where we were welcomed to post anytime with our own creativity and to encourage each other for posting and to advise each other on how to grow. I joined WordPress without thinking much of it. I was doing it for Tangent and I posted a few times on that blog. Then I didn’t use it. I got signed on to be the photography editor in chief for Tangent’s annual literary journal, I published in that same journal that year, I was elected ASB President, blah blah blah. This was in my junior year of high school. I’d like to think I grew a lot that year, but let’s face ot. I was still trying to be cool. I pretty much hid my secret of going to Tangent from ASB and the “cool” kids. Which is stupid and silly, I know, but I did.
Then came my senior year of high school. I had gotten a boyfriend who basically took up half of my time, I was ASB president, on varsity volleyball, costarring in a production of Alice in Wonderland, all while maintaining a 5.0 GPA and being an active member in Tangent and my band. As certain things began to take over my life, I developed more and more confidence in what I was doing and people started to realize, oh man. She’s kind of weird and eccentric, that’s cool. Well, most people. I was under such intense scrutiny from my peers and teachers during my senior year that I felt like I had to impress everyone. And I did. Including myself!
But when things started to change, and senior year was coming to an end and my relationship ended and we were making the last Tangent journal that I’d be in and I still felt impossibly pressured, I looked to what I was good at to give me solace.
And what am I good at you ask? Talking and being real. Any of my good friends (and I mean GOOD) could tell you that I’m not afraid to speak my mind once I’m comfortable, and I’m most comfortable when I’m writing or when I’m alone, so I started YouTube. I’d kinda watched it on the side and enjoyed people’s weekly vlogs and wanted to do it myself. So I started to. I felt like I was able to just talk. In the beginning it was hard, because I was so nervous and well YouTube is permanent and directly connected to you so I devised scripts that I spouted out in front of my iPhone. Then I decided, well fuck it. I’m still bored and I still need more creative outlets! So I want to try blogging again. I didn’t know anyone who blogged or who followed blogs, but I thought why not? I can just sit and write and cuss up a storm and I just won’t tell anyone I’m doing it. So that’s how this blog came along. I was very angry at first in those initial blogs because well, I was angry with my situation at the time.
Then I gave up XD after about a month I stopped, which really sucks and I wish I didn’t but I did so oh well.
I graduated high school
and had a weird on and off and odd thing with a boy then I went to Europe
which was amazing and enlightening and lovely where I met an amazing guy who I still talk to quite amicably, but nothing serious. Then I came home and was like shit. Now I have to go to college.
So I did. But instead of going at it alone, I wanted to bring someone or something, so I brought this blog back and I’m really proud of how consistent I’ve been with it. I’ve also been doing YouTube again after like a two month hiatus duirng June and July. I vlogged my entire trip to Europe and published it on YouTube (it’s about forty five minutes long in total but I split up all the days) and I’ve been doing vlogs here and there ever since (including a new daily vlog series that I’m starting this month which you should check out, they’re only a minute or so each and it’s cool, I promise).
Now my favorite holiday of the year is over and it’s November and the sky is graying and the wind is cold and I am so fucking happy, No One. I’m happy about who I’ve become and my journey to how I’ve gotten here. There’s been a lot of rough stuff, don’t get me wrong, but it’s made me who I am today and let’s face it.
I love me.
Happy anniversary, WordPress. Here’s to another two years of growth and change.
Today was my dear friend, K’s, birthday party. Now to begin with, K is one of the best people I have ever known.
She has always been a kind, loving, creative, and fun friend and the other day she turned 17. She and I have known each other since 6th grade, but we hadn’t been good friends until I was about 16 and she was 15.
She is my sister.
She knows so much about me and I know so much about her. We have a lot in common, but also not a lot which definitely keeps our friendship interesting. I basically love her a hella lot and wouldn’t be who I am without her. She’s helped me grow so much and I’d like to think that I’ve helped her grow too.
As for the rest of the party, it was so lovely to see everyone. The majority of the group was from my creative writing class that I took and helped lead in my junior and senior year of high school. It was almost like a reunion.
Seeing everyone was incredibly fun and brought back so many great memories. Tonight we even made some memories. At one point, half of the party sat on the trampoline and just asked each other questions. At another point, we all played Cards Against Humanity and realized that we are all hilariously awful people.
One of the artists in the group, H, gave K this as her birthday present-
And beautiful shit like this just makes me realize how blessed I was and am to have had such amazing and creative friends in high school. These people love and support me so much and I don’t know what I’d be without them.
I’m sorry for bragging, No One, it’s just the only thing on my mind.
Today I went to my first intensive writing workshop. It was with my ENGL280: Intro to Creative Writing class and holy shit did I have fun. I think it might actually be one of my favorite college memories thus far. There were only ten students and then the teacher so we sat round in a circle with each other’s stories that we got the class before and that we had read over and annotated. We started with some other people’s work all of which were phenomenal and very entertaining. Then bout half way through we came to my story which I hadn’t been very confident in when I turned it in. But everyone’s feedback and commentary about my lil piece was so positive and constructive that I felt that they really did care about my piece and the characters and wanted me to develop it more for the sake of their own curiosity. I loved every second! Suddenly, my confidence in my story soared and I’m considering posting it on here once I’m done with the revisions.
Do not get me wrong, no one treated me like I was the fucking Queen Bee or anything, but they treated me like how they treated everyone else, with respect and knowledgable comments. My favorite story from the workshop was actually by my friend, T, and holy crap I wish you could read it, No One. It is so well put together and the ending. OH SHIT THE ENDING.
Look at me, I’m fangirling over my friend’s work. What have I become?
Also, today I visited the SDSU Pride Center for the first time and I really enjoyed going there and meeting everyone and just sitting down and talking! I was worried at first that they wouldn’t really want me to be there cuz I’m just a weenie lil freshman girl, but they were all so fucking welcoming! I didn’t feel pressured or awkward at all after the first few minutes. A whole group of us talked for probably an hour and a half or so before I decided that I should leave to get home and study for my test that I have tomorrow. One of the young men, J, seemed genuinely upset that I was going because everyone was gonna go do something in a half hour. Thankfully they understood my homework situation, but I think I might go back next week if I’m not too busy!