3 to 2 | A Poem for inspired4business

Sit down

Open your laptop

The black keys are familiar.

 

Get on the Internet

New Post

Now it’s time to write

Now it’s time for your fingers to fly

Dashing away, trying to get every breath down

Writing, expressing, living through your words

 

I don’t write because someone has told me to

Because someone challenged me to

Because it simply makes me look a certain way

I write,

Blog,

Type,

Take note

In order to comprehend the complexities of my own mind.

 

My mind is a three dimensional space of chaos

Putting pen to paper,

Fingers to keys,

My mind to others,

Forces me to lay everything out linearly,

Clearly,

Two dimensionally.

 

It’s a type of therapy

Or a type of drug,

I can’t decide.

All I know is

I write to comprehend me

And I wouldn’t be able to without it

So I’m not going to stop anytime soon

 

 

-Hope xoxo

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Thank y’all so so much for reading this little poem. This one is for inspired4business, or Steve, who gave me the idea to write about what inspires me to write. I sorta changed it to why I write, but hey sometimes that happens. I love you all so so much, and I’m sorry for the later post. Have a beautiful day, I’ll talk to you tonight.

Christmas Scents

This is a poem written by me. Don’t steal it or I will be very pissed off. Thank you and I hope you enjoy the nostaglia I was feeling this morning.

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Wafting through the air

I am assaulted by the smell of delicious cravings

Chocolate chip cookies baked by Bobby

And

Lemon bars laboriously brewed by my sister

And

Fresh peppermint bark that tantalizes my senses

And fills me with hunger and sugary delight

 

Then laying stagnant in the air

Our tree reminds me of a far off pine forest

That was once its home

Creating a nostalgia for a place I’ve never known

And

Christmases past were the scent of pine filled those energy wrought mornings

That I remember so fondly from my childhood

 

Then drifting hazily over it all

A hint of firewood burning accents the atmosphere

And

Brings warmth to my heart as I sit by the fireplace in thought

And

Pulls me back to cold winter nights when we all sat by the fire

Drinking hot chocolate and watching Christmas movies

And

Reminds me of times long past

When everything was much simpler

And

When everything smelled so beautiful.

 

 

-Hope xoxo

Anniversaries.

I received this notification this morning which got me thinking.

So much has changed. In a month, in several, in a year, in two years.

I’m such a different person now in days.

Two years ago, I had just joined Tangent at the will of my friend, (and at that time, love interest (though it was never returned for the better)), D. He had convinced me that I would do well in this club and honestly the first time I went, I fell in love. I’ve told the story hundreds of times now, but it’s my love story with writing and creativity.

me and said friend who forced me to go to Tangent at his graduation several months later

Tangent was and is a place where the odd, miscellaneous characters of my high school went to be welcomed, loved, and encouraged. We had and have a blog on here, WordPress, where we were welcomed to post anytime with our own creativity and to encourage each other for posting and to advise each other on how to grow. I joined WordPress without thinking much of it. I was doing it for Tangent and I posted a few times on that blog. Then I didn’t use it. I got signed on to be the photography editor in chief for Tangent’s annual literary journal, I published in that same journal that year, I was elected ASB President, blah blah blah. This was in my junior year of high school. I’d like to think I grew a lot that year, but let’s face ot. I was still trying to be cool. I pretty much hid my secret of going to Tangent from ASB and the “cool” kids. Which is stupid and silly, I know, but I did.

Then came my senior year of high school. I had gotten a boyfriend who basically took up half of my time, I was ASB president, on varsity volleyball, costarring in a production of Alice in Wonderland, all while maintaining a 5.0 GPA and being an active member in Tangent and my band. As certain things began to take over my life, I developed more and more confidence in what I was doing and people started to realize, oh man. She’s kind of weird and eccentric, that’s cool. Well, most people. I was under such intense scrutiny from my peers and teachers during my senior year that I felt like I had to impress everyone. And I did. Including myself!

me at my senior homecoming.  

me and the varsity girls volleyball team

But when things started to change, and senior year was coming to an end and my relationship ended and we were making the last Tangent journal that I’d be in and I still felt impossibly pressured, I looked to what I was good at to give me solace.

And what am I good at you ask? Talking and being real. Any of my good friends (and I mean GOOD) could tell you that I’m not afraid to speak my mind once I’m comfortable, and I’m most comfortable when I’m writing or when I’m alone, so I started YouTube. I’d kinda watched it on the side and enjoyed people’s weekly vlogs and wanted to do it myself. So I started to. I felt like I was able to just talk. In the beginning it was hard, because I was so nervous and well YouTube is permanent and directly connected to you so I devised scripts that I spouted out in front of my iPhone. Then I decided, well fuck it. I’m still bored and I still need more creative outlets! So I want to try blogging again. I didn’t know anyone who blogged or who followed blogs, but I thought why not? I can just sit and write and cuss up a storm and I just won’t tell anyone I’m doing it. So that’s how this blog came along. I was very angry at first in those initial blogs because well, I was angry with my situation at the time.

Then I gave up XD after about a month I stopped, which really sucks and I wish I didn’t but I did so oh well.

I graduated high school

proof.

and had a weird on and off and odd thing with a boy then I went to Europe

proof.

which was amazing and enlightening and lovely where I met an amazing guy who I still talk to quite amicably, but nothing serious. Then I came home and was like shit. Now I have to go to college.

picture from first college party as a college student as proof.

So I did. But instead of going at it alone, I wanted to bring someone or something, so I brought this blog back and I’m really proud of how consistent I’ve been with it. I’ve also been doing YouTube again after like a two month hiatus duirng June and July. I vlogged my entire trip to Europe and published it on YouTube (it’s about forty five minutes long in total but I split up all the days) and I’ve been doing vlogs here and there ever since (including a new daily vlog series that I’m starting this month which you should check out, they’re only a minute or so each and it’s cool, I promise).

Now my favorite holiday of the year is over and it’s November and the sky is graying and the wind is cold and I am so fucking happy, No One. I’m happy about who I’ve become and my journey to how I’ve gotten here. There’s been a lot of rough stuff, don’t get me wrong, but it’s made me who I am today and let’s face it.

I love me.

Happy anniversary, WordPress. Here’s to another two years of growth and change.

-Hope xoxo

Friendship and Birthdays

Today was my dear friend, K’s, birthday party. Now to begin with, K is one of the best people I have ever known.

K and I at my high school graduation in June 🙂

She has always been a kind, loving, creative, and fun friend and the other day she turned 17. She and I have known each other since 6th grade, but we hadn’t been good friends until I was about 16 and she was 15.

She is my sister.

She knows so much about me and I know so much about her. We have a lot in common, but also not a lot which definitely keeps our friendship interesting. I basically love her a hella lot and wouldn’t be who I am without her. She’s helped me grow so much and I’d like to think that I’ve helped her grow too.

As for the rest of the party, it was so lovely to see everyone. The majority of the group was from my creative writing class that I took and helped lead in my junior and senior year of high school. It was almost like a reunion.

Seeing everyone was incredibly fun and brought back so many great memories. Tonight we even made some memories. At one point, half of the party sat on the trampoline and just asked each other questions. At another point, we all played Cards Against Humanity and realized that we are all hilariously awful people.

One of the artists in the group, H, gave K this as her birthday present-

Isn’t it adorable? I’m the bottom left character.

And beautiful shit like this just makes me realize how blessed I was and am to have had such amazing and creative friends in high school. These people love and support me so much and I don’t know what I’d be without them.

I’m sorry for bragging, No One, it’s just the only thing on my mind.

-Hope xoxo

Feedback and Pride

Today I went to my first intensive writing workshop. It was with my ENGL280: Intro to Creative Writing class and holy shit did I have fun. I think it might actually be one of my favorite college memories thus far. There were only ten students and then the teacher so we sat round in a circle with each other’s stories that we got the class before and that we had read over and annotated. We started with some other people’s work all of which were phenomenal and very entertaining. Then bout half way through we came to my story which I hadn’t been very confident in when I turned it in. But everyone’s feedback and commentary about my lil piece was so positive and constructive that I felt that they really did care about my piece and the characters and wanted me to develop it more for the sake of their own curiosity. I loved every second! Suddenly, my confidence in my story soared and I’m considering posting it on here once I’m done with the revisions.

Do not get me wrong, no one treated me like I was the fucking Queen Bee or anything, but they treated me like how they treated everyone else, with respect and knowledgable comments. My favorite story from the workshop was actually by my friend, T, and holy crap I wish you could read it, No One. It is so well put together and the ending. OH SHIT THE ENDING.

Look at me, I’m fangirling over my friend’s work. What have I become?

Also, today I visited the SDSU Pride Center for the first time and I really enjoyed going there and meeting everyone and just sitting down and talking! I was worried at first that they wouldn’t really want me to be there cuz I’m just a weenie lil freshman girl, but they were all so fucking welcoming! I didn’t feel pressured or awkward at all after the first few minutes. A whole group of us talked for probably an hour and a half or so before I decided that I should leave to get home and study for my test that I have tomorrow. One of the young men, J, seemed genuinely upset that I was going because everyone was gonna go do something in a half hour. Thankfully they understood my homework situation, but I think I might go back next week if I’m not too busy!

-Hope xoxo

A Disturbing Rap About Rape

Notice how it doesn’t rhyme but instead I did a reverse sestina but only using five words instead of six. It’s kind of bitching. Enjoy, No One.

“Bad Day”

 

Some Days I don’t think about

You and what you did to

Me. Those days are the good

Ones, but today I can’t

Stop the tears and the hate that I feel toward

Some of the things

You made

Me do. I can each tear roll down my face

One by one- I guess I deserve it, I never said

Stop but I never said yes and

Some times I blame myself but

You did this to

Me. I’m ruined now an unfortunate life, an unfortunate

One lot I’ve been given so just

Stop acting like

Some of the things

You said weren’t intended for

Me. You said I was the

One, but baby just

Stop. We both know you wanted

Some things I wasn’t willing to give so

You hated

Me, resented me for the

One thing I stood for so just

Stop playing the victim

 

We both know that’s me.

 

 

So there’s that. Don’t hate me.