Blog Archives

A Summer of Writing

Hello, No One. Again, it’s been a while.

I think finally I’ve understood something that has been preventing me from returning to you – I can not possibly tell you everything that has happened since we last sat down and wrote to each other. It’s absolutely ludicrous to think that maybe if I sat here for long enough I could manage to get it all out, but it’s impossible. There’s no way you can ever know every single little thing about me and my backstory and where I came from and who I am.

So instead, I’ve agreed to start writing again (for a slew of reasons) under the one condition that I’ll explain the big stuff in detail as we go, as it comes up, and as I see necessary. Otherwise, why bother? The only thing it will serve to do is make my fingers hurt more and your eyes strain more.

So I’m writing again. Because? Well, I need something to do. My new job I sit at a desk for hours a day, not doing much so why not be practicing something I used to love and do every day instead of staring off into space. Additionally, my mental health is again at the point that I want to talk about things to someone, anyone, and well you, No One. But my guilt complex continually gets in the way of talking to real people about my problems and my struggles because I don’t want to bore or bother them with my nonsensical ravings as the different parts of my personality try to hash things out between themselves.

No, I’m not bipolar, I’m just figuring things out.

Thanks for reading.

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Going Back to Work

So today I went back to work after going on my little vacation. It was surprisingly refreshing to work again, even though I was only off for three days. I do love working with kids, they’re all so weird and different and spontaneous. Everything is new and exciting to them and I love that sort of reckless optimism that radiates from most children.

After work I also stopped by my dear friend’s house to visit her and her daughter, something I haven’t done in a very long time. This friend reminds me so much of my sister, it’s crazy, probably because they’re best friends and grew up with each other, but it was nice to be with her, not only because I love her and her daughter, but also because she reminds me of Hannah so much. I guess I really do miss my sister, which is unfortunate to admit, but I can’t deny it. She is my best friend and I do have separation anxiety and holy crap I miss her. Going back to work made me think about her so much because we have similar coworkers and they all think we look alike and they were all wondering where she was and I just wish she was there with me.

I know it’s a selfish wish, but I still wish it nonetheless. Sue me, mother fucker.

-Hope xoxo

don't give af

Timing is life.”

-A little boy during a beginner guitar class at my music school

Timing

Timing is everything. Music, plans, days, relationships, friendships? All boil down to the right timing and often times sitting around and waiting for the right time to come. 

I suppose I’m slowly learning patience more and more everyday; I just wish I didn’t have to. 

-Hope xoxo 

  

I try to keep it real. I don’t have time to worry about what I’m projecting to the world. I’m just busy being myself.”

-Demi Lovato

We lived our lives in happy denial of the worst possibilities. Every time I got in a car, I bet I would not die in an accident, but everyday someone else thinking the same thing was left a lifeless corpse at a crash site. Shit happens, sometimes for no reason at all.”

-Jennette Fulda

Life is full of confusion. Confusion of love, passion, and romance. Confusion of family and friends. Confusion with life itself. What path we take, what turns we make. How we roll our dice.”

-Matthew Underwood

To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”

-Oscar Wilde

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”

-Elbert Hubbard

Dog Sitting

So I feel like I need to just talk, No One, and you all don’t really mind when I do so I will.

We’re all familiar with Bobby right? Some of you new people might not, so I suggest you go check out https://hafletcher9718.wordpress.com/2015/01/18/panic-attacks/ and https://hafletcher9718.wordpress.com/2015/01/03/time-to-catch-up/ and https://hafletcher9718.wordpress.com/2014/09/07/bye/ – all of which are longer blogs but if you really want to know then go read those. Well Bobby has a dog named Jess and she is just about the cutest and nicest dog ever. I really should say “was” though.

She hasn’t gone on to the big dog house in the sky or anything, but ever since he left for boot camp she has remained at his father’s house with his step mom and stepsister. Of course they all live very complex lives and can’t take care of her as well as he did, but I’m watching her while they’re away this weekend and it just breaks my heart to see how much she’s changed. She was such a good dog, obedient and loyal, and it’s not that she isn’t now, but rather she’s just so eager for attention and love that I feel like she’s been unfortunately neglected. I know it’s no one’s fault and sometimes we forget, but I wish Bobby would just come home and take care of her like he used to.

Oh no, has a dog just accidentally turned into a metaphor for how I feel neglected by my friend and my inner desire for him to come home?

Goddammit I didn’t want to project my own feelings onto some cute dog, but hey I never said I was objective.

I don’t know, No One. I just feel bad for Jess. And it doesn’t help that I’ve been having to go over to his old house to take care of her twice a day. I can’t NOT think about him and the memories we’ve had together there and with Jess and just together and it makes me sad and makes me miss him more.

It doesn’t help that he’s at school right now and he won’t have his phone back for at least another week, so I can’t even talk to him about anything of this. If I would have in the first place – well I guess I’d like the opportunity to try.

I just have to keep my head up, I suppose, and focus on the good things. Shall we focus on those for a minute, No One? Okay!

I survived another week of school!

obama

I do get to spend time with Jess and give her as much love as I can while I can.

cute-dog1

I’ve had a pretty mellow and relaxed evening filled with tea, wine, face masks, and YouTube.

yass

So my life isn’t too bad I guess, just there’s the occasional projection of my emotions onto hyperactive creatures, but like that’s normal right? 😛

-Hope xoxo

ratchet as fuuuuck

ratchet as fuuuuck