So I feel like I need to just talk, No One, and you all don’t really mind when I do so I will.
We’re all familiar with Bobby right? Some of you new people might not, so I suggest you go check out https://hafletcher9718.wordpress.com/2015/01/18/panic-attacks/ and https://hafletcher9718.wordpress.com/2015/01/03/time-to-catch-up/ and https://hafletcher9718.wordpress.com/2014/09/07/bye/ – all of which are longer blogs but if you really want to know then go read those. Well Bobby has a dog named Jess and she is just about the cutest and nicest dog ever. I really should say “was” though.
She hasn’t gone on to the big dog house in the sky or anything, but ever since he left for boot camp she has remained at his father’s house with his step mom and stepsister. Of course they all live very complex lives and can’t take care of her as well as he did, but I’m watching her while they’re away this weekend and it just breaks my heart to see how much she’s changed. She was such a good dog, obedient and loyal, and it’s not that she isn’t now, but rather she’s just so eager for attention and love that I feel like she’s been unfortunately neglected. I know it’s no one’s fault and sometimes we forget, but I wish Bobby would just come home and take care of her like he used to.
Oh no, has a dog just accidentally turned into a metaphor for how I feel neglected by my friend and my inner desire for him to come home?
Goddammit I didn’t want to project my own feelings onto some cute dog, but hey I never said I was objective.
I don’t know, No One. I just feel bad for Jess. And it doesn’t help that I’ve been having to go over to his old house to take care of her twice a day. I can’t NOT think about him and the memories we’ve had together there and with Jess and just together and it makes me sad and makes me miss him more.
It doesn’t help that he’s at school right now and he won’t have his phone back for at least another week, so I can’t even talk to him about anything of this. If I would have in the first place – well I guess I’d like the opportunity to try.
I just have to keep my head up, I suppose, and focus on the good things. Shall we focus on those for a minute, No One? Okay!
I survived another week of school!
I do get to spend time with Jess and give her as much love as I can while I can.
I’ve had a pretty mellow and relaxed evening filled with tea, wine, face masks, and YouTube.
So my life isn’t too bad I guess, just there’s the occasional projection of my emotions onto hyperactive creatures, but like that’s normal right? 😛
I am happy, No One. Without reason and at absurd moments, but I am. I’m sure now is one of those highs in my life or the calm before the storm sort of thing, but things are just really nice. I am very happy camper. I have so many great friends who love and care about me an awful lot. My family and I don’t want to tear each others’ heads off which is pretty fucking great. School is challenging, but in a good, healthy way. I’d be rather upset if college was boring and wasn’t stimulating. I’m busy enough that I can’t complain, but I still have plenty of me time that I do find absolutely necessary to my sanity. Some may call that “high maintenence,” but i call it taking care of me. To quote RuPaul, “If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” Whenever I feel like I’m too stressed out about friends or I feel like i’m not giving myself enough attention, that quote becomes my motherfucking mantra. I gotta love me, I gotta love me. Love is a given and shared thing. I have to give myself love and let others love me, so I can share and spread that same love.
But, Hope, how do you love yourself? What does “me time” entail?
Well, No One, I’ll make a nice list for you of my easy tips for keeping myself happy:
- Take care of your physical body- this can be as little as drinking a few glasses of water before bed or as dramatic as giving yourself a facial at the end of a long day (one of my personal favorites). Things like this can change how your body feels and how you feel about your body. No one is perfect and we can all do with a little improving and you totally should be proud of how you look, but don’t let your pride get in the way of progress and growing into an even more beautiful person.
- Take a break- this one is super hard for me to do, but give yourself like twenty minutes, an hour, maybe two hours! just completely unplugged. Don’t check your texts, don’t go any social media. You can listen to some music, but don’t be afraid to be alone with your thoughts. Your mind is a beautiful vortex of creativity and imagination! Explore it!
- Look in the mirror- now you can take this one literally or figuratively. Literally, look at yourself and I personally dare you to find three beautiful things about your appearance if that is what you are struggling with. Then focus on those things super hard so you can’t even think about the other things that you might not like so much. Figuratively, step back and reflect on your personality. Why are people drawn to you? What part of your personality makes you the proudest? How in the fuck did you get this awesome? Realize for the first time in your life that you, me, and everything around us is made up of old blown up stars from billions of years ago and realize how incredibly special and unique you are. Cuz you are. And that’s literally a scientific fact.
- Do things that make you happy- for me, this one is blogging. Or vlogging. Or drinking tea. Or curling up with my laptop and watching some Supernatural. Find out what makes you happy. When do you find yourself just smiling because you are content? Find that time or that place or that thing and do the living shit out of it.
- Don’t be afraid to let yourself feel- Have you ever known someone who was holding back tears and because you cared about them, all you wanted was for them to cry and to get it out in the open so you could talk? I known I’ve had this happen a couple times, and just like you want your friend to cry so they can be free, you have to let yourself be free. Cry if you have to, everyone cries and if someone has put the idea in your mind that crying is weak then they don’t know what they’re talking about. As someone who has cried in front of literally hundreds of people (see picture below of me at graduation), letting myself feel and be in the moment has always benefitted me. Let yourself feel those emotions and then comfort yourself. Yeah, you can do that shit too.
- Understand that this is the life you’ve been given- appreciate it. We only get one shot here on Earth and we shouldn’t be wasting it being upset over that shitty person from ENGL280. Look at your surroundings and I mean really LOOK. Find something beautiful in something that you pass by everyday. Now repeat.
These are kind of my remedies. i hope you find them helpful, No One. I love you and I just want you to be happy.